The Bizarro Manifesto

Let’s try a little Bizarro1 test (if you agree to these, I’ll poke you with a hot krypton stick):

We are uncovering better ways to provide the illusion of developing software by listening to others talk about watching people try. Through this (dare I call it?) work, we have come to value:

  • Dogmatic process and CASE-tool-like automation over inspiring quality individuals to interact with the team and the clients
  • Sufficient up-front comprehensive design specifications over seeing frequent, tangible, working results.
  • Writing detailed Statements of Work and negotiating changes over collaborating to do our collective best with the time and money at hand
  • Driving toward the original project plan over accommodating the client changing their mind, or a path turning into a dead end

To elaborate:

  • We prefer to focus on building software with lock-step process and tools — and reduce our need to worry about quality individuals and having conversations amongst developers or with the client.
    • that way we don’t need to worry about people issues and effective communication.
    • That way we can hire any individual regardless of skill, and forgo all verbal/personal interactions in favor of solely written words. Even better if those written words are automatically transformed into code. Maybe we can get non-coder tools! After all, people are merely fungible assets/resources, and software is factory-work — with processes and tools, and a horde of low-paid serfs, we can crank it out!
  • We prefer to spend a lot of time up-front ensuring we have the requirements and design specs fully determined —  rather than have tangible, working results early on.
    • We start with complete requirements specifications (often 400 pages), that follow our company standard template.
    • Even our Use Cases follow a mandatory 3-level deep path, with proper exception and alternate paths worked out.
    • We link the requirements items into detailed design documents — which include system design diagrams, interface specifications, and detailed object models.
    • If we don’t write it all down now, we’re likely to forget what we wanted. And if we don’t do it to the n-th degree, the developers might screw it up.
    • Writing it all down up front allows us to go on vacation while the process and tools “write” the code from the detailed specs/diagrams. Sweet.
    • In addition, we love to be rewarded by reaching meaningless intermediate deadlines that we place on our 1500-node Gantt chart.
    • When we combine all of the upfront work with important deadlines, many of the senior managers can get promoted due to their great commitment to generating reams of cool-looking documents. By the time the sh!t hits the fan when folks realize the “ship it” deadline is missed, the senior managers are no longer involved.
    • Besides, if we actually built software instead of writing all sorts of documents thinking about building software, our little ruse would be exposed!
  • We prefer to work under rigid Statements of Work — rather than actually work towards a “best-fit” solution given changing conditions of understanding and needs.
    • The agreement is based on the 400-page, fully-specified requirements document, and we pad the cost estimate with a 400% profit margin.
    • We then hire dozens of people to argue during the Change Control Review Board monthly meetings about re-writing code to deliver what you wanted versus what you asked for when you thought you knew what you wanted (and wrote it down in that 400-page doc that was signed off by 6 execs).
    • Contract negotiation pissing matches are such great uses of our collective resources and always result in perfect software! We love our fine print 🙂
    • With a 400% padding, the projects are too big to fail.
    • Once we are in it for 1 or 2 million and 50% done and 2x schedule overrun, who would ever say “No” to a contract extension? Who better to get you to the goal line than the same folks who squandered away your treasure, pissed away the calendar, and delivered no working software yet?
    • We like to appear like we’re just about done… Asymptote? Never heard of one.
  • We prefer to be driven by our initial plan — rather than dealing with change and having to re-print the Gantt.
    • Especially a Gantt chart that has been built with tender loving care to include resource allocations, inter-project dependencies, and partial resource allocation assignments for matrix-style organizations.
    • We love hiring a small army to ensure that we drive the entire team to meet every micro-task deadline even when they no longer make any sense.
    • The real fun is collecting the “actuals” data from the developers assigned to each task so we can compare it to their estimated hours.
    • And nothing sweeter than seeing 90% of our tasks being started, and 75% of those being 67% resolved;  and 25% of the resolved actually being complete — the roll-up summary to management is such a compelling story of success.
    • Changing such a beautiful plan that took 4 man-years to develop, that incorporates all of the comprehensive non-code documents, and is an appendix in the contract, is no small feat!
    • Better to produce the software according to plan even if nobody wants it that way. That’s our motto, and we’re not going to change!
    • We love the illusion of activity over the truth of delivered features.

Feel free to sign the manifesto below. It’s free to be certified.


1

    Credit goes to Superman and Bizarro World.

Jira vs Post-It Notes

Had some recent discussions on the subject of using tools or just sticky notes…

for me, a digital board representation of the kanban style 3-column view is merely one v-e-r-y small aspect of using something like jira.

though i could probably live with just post-it notes, i bet it would be an interesting challenge for me. i have been:

  1. doing only distributed work for so long (since late 90s)
  2. using jira so long, it is as simple as a pen and paper (or post-its)
  3. dissatisfied trying to do a project with something simpler like Basecamp, without the richness of jira
  4. working on long-term projects that have different people rolling through, and years of life (4000+ issues)

and i ask myself what other benefits do i derive from jira (plus, admittedly, a companion wiki)? why might i be uncomfortable with just post-its?  do i have an unnecessary “crutch” in the form of jira? hmmm… do i do more than is necessary in the way of using jira/wiki to add other pertinent documentation for the project?

well, here are the following things i can think of off the top of my head:

  • it is easy to
    • assign myself to an issue
    • move it to be in progress
    • move it to be resolved
  • our virtual chats hover around the greenhopper view
    • we’ll edit stuff on the fly as needed
    • quickly create a new issue if something pops up during the call
    • everybody refreshes their browser
  • we put a fair amount of supporting docs — details, helpful things — into the issue (or into the wiki and then that link goes in the issue)
    • that way you always know where to look 🙂
    • you can find it 24×7 and regardless of your GeoLoc
    • sometimes we’ll have skype chats and voice calls about the issue, maybe about design ideas. I’ll shove those things into the issue.
  • we can link related issues
  • we can use the search to look up old issues and refresh ourselves on what was asked for/done
  • we can have asynchronous, threaded conversations in the form of comments
  • we can track any myriad of other stuff against the issue
  • i log my hours against the issue
    • useful for billing if you need it…
  • i can use it to help generate pretty charts for management
  • we use the issue status to trigger QA (in addition to our chats)
  • i use jira to help ensure product version notes are up to date
    • jira manages the iterations
  • pretty easy to maintain a backlog, even chunking it up into groups if needed
  • easy to indicate that an issue has been rejected, and why

the point is, i find it incredibly useful to have modern technology at my fingertips…

in my experience, there is so much more to a project tracking “tool” than what post-it notes would seem to represent.

[important]but i have NO (zero, nada, zilch) experience being part of a co-located team using post-it notes. so take it with a grain of salt :-)[/important]

Use Agile Wisely

For the past few years, I have been bothered by a nagging urge to write a pamphlet on software titled “Common Sense” — an homage to Thomas Paine’s great work.

This may be a stretch, and I may counter this point once I actually try and research and draw more parallels — or not. So here I am just thinking out loud, as it were. A risky means to formulate my ideas, I know.

The Agile Manifesto is akin to the Declaration of Independence and US Constitution. (Not in its impact on the world, and I make the comparison in complete deference to the greatness that were our Founders.)

Agile is about freedom and individual responsibility grounded in an agreed-upon framework of overarching ethics and morals. The beauty of our Founding Fathers, was that they got to the essence of human behavior — including the depravity and moral weakness, and corruption by power, that we humans suffer from. They designed a system of government that accounts for such weaknesses, and that provides a means of feedback and correction. Correcting in the small (local and state government), and in the large (amendments to the document itself).

The Agile Manifesto is similarly poised. The four main tenets of the Manifesto are irrefutable, getting to the essence of software development. The Manifesto sets the stage up for great success without the shackles of a tyrannical, command and control form of management. It works from the bottom up.

There are many in the software world that decry the freedom of agile developers practicing their craft. Some organizations still drive a tyrannical structure within a framework of bureaucratic control. While many “Freedom Fighters” see the errors in these organizations, those on the inside are somehow oblivious, and probably believe in the superiority of command-and-control.

The lure of the bureaucratic layers to many managers always confounded me. Is it a lack of education about what freedom means? Is it a lack of courage to be individually accountable? Is it an allegiance to a known and friendly tyrannical structure — versus the unknown and scary individualism? Is it a belief that somehow a complex human organization can be broken down into its constituent parts, such that if each cog does their small bit, then the whole achieves its ultimate goal? It is, undoubtedly, simply part of human nature. Some folks are comfortable being risk takers and sticking their necks out, while others enjoy the comforts of a more controlled system within which to toil.

Over the past few years, our community has been inundated with “enlightened” Scrum Masters. The Church of Scrum has literally popped up overnight, anointing new converts at an alarming pace. With a relatively trivial-to-acquire certification, many organizations seek out said experts to be their savior on the road to riches.

Scrum itself is not the issue, after all it is Agile. But much like freedom in the hands of the uneducated often has disastrous results, so too does being Scrumified in the absence of understanding Agile.

Our young democratic republic worked hard to teach children about the US form of government and the hard-fought liberties we were blessed to enjoy. The children all studied from primers that helped them be educated about just “how” our form of government works. And they learned about the context… the “why” the framers of the Constitution chose their forms of checks and balances to stem undersirable side effects of human nature.

In the absence of much formal education about what the intent of the Agile Manifesto means, Scrum filled the void. That’s the beauty of a free market. Ideas can compete.

Much like our venerable representative democracy, Agile isn’t the most perfect form of s/w development, but it’s the best that has ever been. There are no guarantees that being “agile” will result in fabulous wealth and riches through the killer app. Just like there are no guarantees of outcome in a free society (at least there shouldn’t be any).

As with the United States of America, with great freedom lies great responsibility. Use agile wisely.